Like breathing was easy
by UnluckyAmulet
Summary: Thirty-five drabbles on Finnick Odair, the Career who was not what people thought he was. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: Do not own, blah blah.

I wasn't planning to make this into a series, but after I wrote _Antidote to a broken girl, _a couple of the drabbles made me interested to try out a few other characters, so Finnick seemed like a natural choice. At the moment there are thirty-five, not fifty, because it just felt natural to stop where I did, when I tried to do more they all came out as kind of forced. I might go back and add more if any come to me. Jonnick and Annick, with a little bit of Everlark if you squint.

Enjoy!

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1\. The crunch of sugar between his teeth makes him think of sand, and sand makes him think of Annie and home. Finnick cherishes the tang long after the sugar cube dissolves into nothing.

2\. Finnick is something of an expert on beauty, and he can tell who believes they are beautiful and who doesn't. It never fails to astonish him to see that true beauty almost always goes unappreciated.

3\. He vividly remembers standing on the podium, waiting for Snow to crown him the newest Victor, and seeing the hunger in the eyes of his audience. He remembers feeling suddenly naked and repressing a shiver as Snow's icy cold fingers grazed his face.

4\. Finnick looks at Annie and recalls the moment he lost a part of her forever, when the Games broke something in her. He has never felt as helpless as he did then, watching from afar, Annie's face multiplied on thousands of screens watched hungrily by Capitol and Districts alike.

5\. Finnick could swim before he could walk. His mother jokes that she worried he would never adapt to moving around on land, that she half-expected her son to grow fins. To Finnick, the sea is where he goes to pretend he has a hope of escape.

6\. He steals things from each person who pays for his body. Nothing major, just a little trinket here, a bauble there. Then when he gets time alone, he smashes them to pieces.

7\. When the twisted form of the jabberjay falls, struck by one of Katniss Everdeen's infamous arrows, Finnick can only stare woodenly at the tiny body. The truth is, he has heard that particular scream of Annie's many times before, and it has stopped being a surprise at how deeply it still cuts him.

8\. When Mags lost her voice, it took Finnick a while to grow used to her methods of silent communication. But when Mags looked him in the eyes and turned towards the fog, Finnick knew she had never meant anything more clearly since she volunteered for Annie.

9\. As he weighed the trident in his palm, sent with a heartfelt note from some Capitol woman begging him to live, he wonders if this is the most twisted form of kindness or cruelty he has ever happened to come across.

10\. As his mouth connects with Peeta's lifeless lips and he breaths in, hard, Finnick idly thinks that this is perhaps the gentlest kiss he's ever given another man before.

11\. Annie collects things- mostly anything pretty. When Finnick used to go fishing, before the Capitol swept him away, he would collect seashells for her. Even now, he can't look at one without picturing Annie's slow, meditative smile as she held one up to hear ear, listening for the ocean.

12\. The ropes feel comforting grainy beneath Finnick's calloused fingers. He does not even need to think of how to knot the rope properly, the movement are as natural as chewing to him. He wonders how the rope might feel tightening around his neck.

13\. Johanna is one of the only people Finnick has ever met who is totally and utterly fearless. He liked her from the minute she called him a pretty boy to his face.

14\. When he saw the handful of berries in Katniss' hands, Finnick swears his heart skipped a beat.

15\. When Finnick first met Annie, he remembers thinking- _"With any luck, she might just make it."_

16\. Since he won the Games, Finnick recalls counting day the days till his next birthday, feeling like there was a stone growing bigger and bigger in his stomach.

17\. When Finnick lost his much-coveted virginity, he recalls a hand clumsily stroking his hair, whispering, "_Such a handsome boy... "_

The memory still has the power to make him gag.

18\. When his fellow Careers were noisily betting on who would win the 74th Hunger Games, Finnick declined. He would never have bet on a girl from District Twelve, but something in her eyes made him think that he did not want to watch her die.

19\. After Annie is captured, he stops sleeping. Eating seems impossible, and more than once he holds the rope between his fingers so tightly they leave imprints on his hands.

When the Rebels announce they have managed to rescue Annie, it's all he can do not to collapse to the floor and weep with relief.

20\. He doesn't see the occasional looks Johanna gives him, or at least, he tries not to. He can't be responsible for bringing her any more pain, no matter how much she insists on hiding it.

21\. He recalls stifling a laugh as he pries apart a fighting Johanna and Katniss. He can't help but think that a catfight might bring the group some great sponsors.

22\. The irony that he could have any woman in the Capitol, but is in love with the mad girl from his District, is not lost on Finnick. Sometimes, he wonders when he became so lovelorn.

23\. Although he doesn't like to talk about it, Finnick does pity the poorer Districts. What's the point of being forced into a Game everyone knows you can't win?

24\. Even with his gifts with a trident, Finnick would not like to get on the wrong side of Johanna's axe.

25\. Sometimes, out of morbid curiosity, Finnick ponders on how various methods of dying might feel. Funnily enough, he has never once imagined he would drown.

26\. He actually used to get teased for his name, so having it screamed from audiences felt rather strange.

27\. Finnick doesn't believe Annie is any crazier than the rest of the Tributes- she just doesn't try to hide hers.

28\. Each morning after the Games, he practices smiling in the mirror. Each one looked fake, fake, fake, but he refused to let the Capitol see just how much they had broken him.

29\. He had never much thought about having kids- although he had a very active sex life, Finnick had always assumed he would die young, and women would mourn there was nobody to carry on his legacy.

So when Annie reveals she is carrying their child, he doesn't know quite what to say.

30\. When Peeta drops the infamous 'baby bombshell', Finnick almost laughs out loud at the absurdity of Katniss being remotely interested in anyone that way. Of course, the Capitol is stupid enough to believe it.

31\. Ask Finnick who is the strongest person he knows, and he will answer unhesitatingly, "Mags."

32\. Seeing women cry makes him somewhat uneasy. Luckily for him, he ends up allied with Johanna and Katniss. He can deal with anger.

33\. Annie's hair is so long and voluminous, it reminds him of a waterfall. Annie just laughed when he told her that.

34\. When he argues with Katniss in the jungle, he can't help but think of Haymitch frowning with disapproval at her reluctance to believe in their alliance. They are far more alike than either of them would care to mention.

35\. As teeth and nails tear into his skin, he knows with both certainty and with a surprising sense of calm he's not going to make it. He shouts Annie's name, just as the darkness rushes to greet him, like an old friend.

He always knew he would die young.


End file.
